I want to blog so bad but I barely have time.  I'm waiting on events to take place to see where I'm going to go from there.   I'll know by Monday.  I'm going to Boston/NYC for Spring Break. I leave Saturday and don't come back the following...  I miss MySpace.  Lent's almost over. Yay!  Just quick update, expect a longer one later--probably after Lent...for those of you who read anyway/get bored.  I was in a car crash on Friday night.  It sucked.  We're okay, though.  I'll explain everything later on my longer blog.  Bye for now. Spring Break, 'cause I'm in need of one!!! God damn.

 I had a dream last night.  It scared me.  I was riding in my car when I see an ambulance cut in front of me and then parks at this random thing.  I keep driving and then I get a ring on my cell phone to go to this place, because they needed my help.  I'm like, "Okay? :S"  So I go and get there and it's the same place where the ambulance had stopped.  And people are gathered around me and they're like, "Leo, we need you to save him.  He needs surgery and they'res no time to take him to the hospital.  Do it now.  This is a test. A real test"  I was freaking out.  Like, why me?  Before I knew it, I was in scrubs and people were placing the gloves onto my hands.  Next thing I know, I had a knife in my right hand.  Eyes were squinting, silence had taken over, and I was having a scroll of thoughts about the procedure's steps.  I gently press my fingers on the man's chest to check for resistance, and then gently but with a hard enough force, start cutting open the man's chest.  My hands are elbow-deep and then it cuts to me taking off my gloves.  I started crying. "I can't believe I did this.  I actually did it. I knew I'd reign one day."  I feel weight on my shoulder and then I just hear, "Nice job, Leo.  You're going to be just fine."  ...And that was it. 

I don't know if I should search and analyze for meaning.  I think it was just the whole unconsciousness awakening because of last week.  3 tests, homework and quizzes (left to right) are never good, especially in one week.  Ugh!  Bio on Monday, Nutrition on Wednesday, and Chemistry on Friday.  2 for 3.  I didn't get to study for chem like I wish I would've.  2 out of 3 ain't bad, ain't bad♫  I thought my head was going to blow with so much info.  Seriously.  I actually to advantage of UT's facilities.  Yup, the library.  It helped, I guess?  For chemistry, the one I failed, I actually answered some q's and then walked out.  It was doable, but not enough time.  I guess that'll be the test I drop.  I felt so good when I left that room, but now that I think of it, that was cheap-ish.  I'm going to regret it tomorrow when she passes out the test, and then asks people that failed to stay behind to talk to her.  Oh...My...God!  And the worst part...owning up to my mistake.  I have a quiz for biology on Wednesday and a test for child development on Thursday.  No more tests til December 7th (last class day)!  But wait, 3 tests all in the same day, back to back to back!  And I have a paper due that same week.  I was stressed this past week when my tests were separated by a day in between, now imagine.  Nombre...!

So I need to finish this week, Monday and Tuesday of the next, and I'm home!  I'm leaving Tuesday at 7 pm to Laredo, right after class.  Yeah, that's how DESPERATE I am of getting out of here.  Good riddance, Austin! XD Some Pizza Hut on Thanksgiving day, friends, Melee, family, Chili's, Carino's, TP, all in a span of 5 days, folks!  Oh, and movies, too!  Ooh, ooh!  How 'bout them Cowboys!  :D  Ooh, ooh!  UT VS A&M! 

I'm meeting Roger on Tuesday for a "screening" of this other project he did.  Quiero ver! Friday:  I want to go out and eat and maybe a movie or something.  I want to watch BEUWOLF, but just becaue "Cloverfield" is going to have a trailer come out with it's original movie title.  Okay, Sergio just mentioned there's a Melee tournament at school, and we're going. 

Heroes has gotten fuckin' good!  Last week's episode was intense. Tomorrow, q's WILL have answers!  Ah, I can't wait!  Grey's has been kind of weird, but I still love it.  Now, they're saying that Cristina and Dr. Hahn are going to end up being lesbian lovers.  That would totally kill the show and not 'cause of the gay-relationship, but because they're just throwing it in there.  It's a rumor, but it's most likely to happen.  People have claimed to stop watching if that happens.  I'd give it a shot, but I'm not to fond of the idea. 

I've got troubles, baby, but not today 'cause they're going to wash away.♫  I've been feeling good lately.  I was so uptight at the beginning.  I didn't want to make mistakes.  I don't do mistakes, because that's not me.  I was [am] like that.  I don't like to mess up; I keep thinking I get left behind and others get ahead of me.  I wanna be the one ahead, even it it's by a hair.  BUT, I'm loosening my screws a little bit and adding some oil to 'em.  I shouldn't be afraid to make mistakes.  College is our playground and I should take advantage before it's too late.  I will. And that's why I've been so uptight.

There's potential. Relationship potential.  And that's all I'm saying.  I'll see where the wind will take me and my fat-ass. 

Clearly, this blog was all over the place.  My apartment's clean and so is my room. XD  My parents were here this weekend as long as Ana, Ana's mom, our grandma, and JC.  Made some carne asada yesterday and my mom brought Raul's BBQ, Menudo, and brought some stuff to make caldo. Boo-Yah!  I also bought a christmass tree!  Oh, yeah!  Have a look-sy!

 

If I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world ♫

 

It has a touch of a man, and even then, it's pretty darn good!  Right?! :P 

In other news, my cousin bought me a ticket to go see Camila with her in San Antonio!  Boo-Yah!  November 28!  I have a new blazer to sport and then with my Converse shoes.  I'm going to look sex-ay!  :P  I wanted to post up pictures of my room, but I don't have a camera and my cousin left before I took some more. Xanga's so user-friendly now.  Gotta love it. 

Thanksgiving dinner this Saturday at Amada's apartment.  I think it's formal.  I like the idea of it.  It's very FRIENDS-ish.  :D  Then we're going to raffle for a small gift exchange.  I signed up for 16 hours.  It's going to be hell next semester.  So what else is new.  Ah, fuck it.  Alright, this is a long and pointless entry as it is, I'll stop here.

Leo out!

 

It's about that time again, isn't it?  2 months and half since I last blogged.  A real blog, anyway.  Things have been pretty weird here, ergo, keeping Austin weird.  Right...  Lame, I know, but whatever...

I moved in here near the end of August.  Before I came here, I gave in and cried before getting the car, having everything loaded and the engine running.  My brother, Jesse, looked at my in a weird way, like the I-Didn't. -Know-He-Cried face.  All three of my brothers hugged me and then my mom joined them by crying some more.  My dad was at work.  I left crying, driving, and thinking of what else would lay ahead this time around, the time I gave it another chance. 

School.  Wow, it's a bigger bitch than before.  I had 4 tests and I went 3 for four.  Nutrition is okay.  Biology is hard[er].  I pulled an all-nighter this past Sunday. It worked, it actually worked.  Chemistry is a load of work.  We get homework everytime we go.  Online homework is optional, but it's extra points for your next test.  It's a long process, though. Book work is BLAH!  I don't know how many times I've spent at the tutoring center geting help.  I've stayed as late as 9 o'clock and it's just to get by.  Karate's pretty good.  The only thing that bothers me, is the waking up early crap.  But once I'm there, all the exercising makes you get up.  Stupid endorphins...  Child Development is kind of there.  The class is boring, and separately, we have to go to the lab to observe a group of children every week for an hour and write down our observations for 2 future papers.  And that's it for classes.  I'm super tired of school.  I'm tired of waking up, showering, a 10 minute walk to the bus stop, riding standing to school, walking 10-20 minutes to classes, listen 2/4 of the time in class, and repeat the walking and listening for at least 2 more times. It sucks...!  The first week of school sucked.  I'd get wake up late, get there late, and sleep through class.  It's somewhat better now, now that it's in my repertoire.  I don't miss band anymore.  It's out of my system.  I do spectate, though.  I'm semi-free.

Visitors.  I've had a lot of visitors at this apartment.  The apartment's is like, the place to hang out.  Danny, Karen, and Sergio live here practically every weekend.  Oh, and in between sometimes. Ha.  Priscilla is here and there, too and so is Javi. Jeanette and Iracema have visited, too.  Briana and Felipe were here about 2 weeks ago?  I don't feel like counting.  It was awesome.  We were watching Grey's Anatomy, hoping that they'd be able to catch up before the premiere of Season 4.  Briana and I talked about school, future plans, and stuff.  She's a pre-med major now. Oh, yeah.  That's 2 of us now.  But, yeah, we're planning to go to the cheapest med school in Texas together. Yay!  It's a plan.  We dropped her off the next day at the airport and then the 3 Amigos left to Hooters.  MmMm, breasts...I mean, wings! :P  Last but not least, Stacey and Gilbert.  Woo!  I gotta say, this was probably the best visit but shhh!  I don't know it was weird.  A good weird, though.  I missed them, I really, really did.  I guess becaue they brought a piece of Laredo with them.  Yeah, I fucking miss Laredo.  And then the part where we lived together and we became close.  :O)  They spent the night here on Friday, had a little breakfast the next morn', dropped Gilbert and his friend at the UT game, headed to the mall (Me, Stacey, and Joey), Hut's (always a classic with Stacey and Gilbert, Ha ha), and then the fuckers went to sleep or a "nap" like Gilbert said it was going to be.  I call it, "food coma", but that's just me. :P  It was 11 the next morning, and Stacey woke me up somehow, and then we left to Chili's.  Todos marranos... We did some catching up.  I loved it, and I'm waiting until Briana, Felipe, Stacey, and Gilbert come back again.  They left, and then I hit the books. 

Home. Needless to say, I miss it.  I went home once---well, I guess I shoud take a step back.  OK, so before coming to Austin, I had a penis rash.  That was like on August 20-something.  I had gone to the doctor and I brought my medication.  I applied or whatever and it would go and come back but never completely go away.  So, I'd call my parents to ask the doctor for a stronger antibiotic.  I went 2-3 dosages of higher and higher antibiotics.  My parents brought me my meds driving here.  Yeah, it was that bad.  So, it was working and then it stopped.  My penis rash had now spread into my thighs.  It hurt super bad.  What made it hurt even more, was when I was in school, all the walking and heat would make things pop and pus would come out, and it would burn.  It was bad.  Then at one time, it fuckin' smelled and it had gone through my clothing.  It was disgusting!  Sorry for implanting that in your thoughts, but wow.  So, I had this open weekend.  to go to Laredo to get it fixed and looked at, AGAIN!  I left on a Friday, and I remember I had gotten a fever.  I threw up before I left in the toilet and in the sink.  I got some clorox and put it in the sink, but it splattered on my ''That's What She Said'' shirt.  Basically, I went home sick, went to the doctor, dinner, slept, and drove back in the afternoon.  I wasn't really home.  It sucked.  I need my fix of Laredo.  I need the need of love, security, and warmth from my family.  I need to go back to realize why I left Laredo, but at the same time how much of a home it is to me.  I miss my friends A LOT, too.  Some went back, others were already there, but all in all, I miss them.  I thought I was a tad stronger, but I'm not.  I'm not just going to let go.  I can, but I fuckin' won't. 

Disease:  So, apparrenlty it was a fungal disease because I don't dry my private area thoroughly.  It's moist and damp and at the same time, covered by underwear in a dark spot.  I applied the new med, and still nothing.  It got worse, and I was at the point of driving myself to the hospital.  I went to the SSB (Student Services Building) and went to the nurse to have it checked out.  She sent me to urgent care.  LOL, wow.  Doctor: Pull down your pants (pulls down pants) Doctor: Oh, my God, I'm so sorry!  Me: Yeah, I know.  Oh, and she was referring to the infection not the size. :P Ha ha!  So, she send me to the pharmacy to get a cream, $40, and made make an appointment for the following week.  The cream helped me out a lot.  It was gone by day 4.  I go back the following week, and I pull down my pants again.  It was practically gone, but she gave me another cream to complete eradicate it, $70.  Madre Santa...(gulps). Doctor: I remember you telling me that your infection would come and go, but never really go away. Me: Yes, that's correct. Doctor: And that your grandfather has diabetes.  Me: Yes. Doctor:  Yeah, there's a chance you might have diabetes, too.  We're going to need to get tested.  The room started spinning around me, and I felt like I was falling and never actually landing.  I had a knot in my throat.  Doctor: You need to fast for a total of 8 hours and then take the glucose test. The doctor pats me on the leg, and wish me well.  It was very sympathetic and unassuring.  I left the building, pumped on the iPod, walked, and shed tears.   I kept asking myself the infamous "why" question.  Why me, why?!  As I walked to class, I looked at the tower with such hatred, still shedding.  I blamed everything on UT/Austin.  I kept thinking how this would've never happened if I was in Laredo.  How all this bull shit happens to me here.  How it all snowballs into something huge.  I was indifferent at this point...  I took the test and waited over a period of days for the results.  I got 'em back, and my results were fine.  It was a relief.  Still, I still hate it here. Yeah, when people were here, they'd have to bring their own towels, and I'd open up a differrent soap.  It was very critical.  Somtimes, I'd even have to sleep naked. Very, very uncomfotable...and cold.  My infection went away like, 2 weeks ago.  Thank God!

Rommates:  It's been good.  I mean, it's not the best, it's mediocre.  We've had our fights, but nothing major.  We're guys.  We tell each other off, and laught it off later on.  We forget about it.  But I can get annoying, especially since I want everything clean.  Joey, wash your dishes.  Joey, do this, do that.  Yeah, even I annoy myself sometimes. When you come here, you clean after yourself.  It's all gravy.  Somehow, Joey found out that I wasn't going to live with him next year.  I swear to everyone, that I had already planned not moving with him before actually living with him.  I'm going to live with my cousin, and possiblly JC, IF he decides to come here.  For sure, I'm living with my cousin.  So, he's a little pissed and kind of hurt?  But it only comes out when he's high.  The truth comes out when you're impaired.  How weird... Yet, that's when I can actually have a heart to heart conversation with him and get through.  Like I said, it's all good.

I'm scared.  I like Austina and UT--well, sort of--but it's the me liking it that scares the shit out of me.  OK, that was kind of disgusting. :S  In terms of me liking it, well mean that I'm losing another part of myself, that I'm leaving my family behind, that it's my life now, that of growing apart of what was me, that of growing old. And that's why I hate it so much.  So much anger and cursing...  I make myself hate it sometimes.  SOMETIMES.  But overall, I do.  In 9 days, I'll be 2-0.  Que chingados.  Midterms are like, 2 weeks away.  What the fuck, man! What the fuck.  Everyone reminds me and implies that Austin's my new home or "home is what you make of it".  Look, just stop.  Stop trying to make me feel what you feel or what you've established.  I haven't set a firm foundation, because I don't want to.  This isn't my home.  If it weren't for my pride, I would've been back in Laredo a long ass time ago.  As most of you know, I'm arrogant.  I'll have the last word. I'm like that, and it's hard for me to change that aspect of me.    Stop calling me a baby, and telling me shit.  No one knows what's going on.  You think you know me, but you have no idea.  Let it bite me in the ass.  Truth is: I will come out on top.  Fucking watch me.  My bickering is just a distraction and a mechanism. 

Isn't it funny, how the grudge or a bone to pick with a person, isn't told or explained to that person but instead to someone else.  How many, let others know their problems between that person.  Doesn't it just piss you off, especially when you were eventually going to tell that person yourself?!  Well, does it?  That's how the whole Victor and me drama started.  It was stupid, but I felt I had the right to do what I did, as so did he, whatever he might have done.  And, I'm not gonna justify myself.  I'm not.  People already talk shit anyway.  Judge, too.  Continue...   It's simmered down.  Let it be.

These places, and these faces are getting old.  I said, these places, and these faces are getting old, so I'm going home. (8)  That about sums it up.  That line...it says it all.  I need a break. A break from everything and everyone. That's what happens when you go to the same university with the people you graduated with or people you went to high school with.  I'll probably regret this later. That was dick-ish. Whatever.  At least, this portion of my cry.  Leave your drama with your mama.  No more drama. No, no, no, no drama.(8)  We all need to grow up.   Relationships, 2nd chances, friendships, oh, how it's all so overrated. 

With half of the semester, under my belt, it's hard to take in how fast things are going.  I've had 2 friends having babies and my mom's brother having one.  Now, my B-F-F is having one, too! Woo!  I'm gonna be an Uncle agian!  Uncle Leo...ooh, I like the sound of that.  :P Did I mention that Alexis just had his baby last night? Sometimes, you can't help but to feel left behind.  Others have started their lives already, and you're just like, wow, I'm just going to school.  My time will come.  My happy thoughts and goosebumps of thinking of them giving birth and holding their baby for the 1st time prevails and outweights my esteem thinking. 

Across the Universe was a weird movie.  A little lengthy, a little boring.  On Wed., Roger, Sergio, and I are going to the screening of Dan in Real Life.  I think it'll be a good movie. 

Change is inevitable.  I believe change only comes when it's necessary.  It's trite.  It's cliche.  ...But it's so true.

[dark & twisty] Leo

Mirame, recuerda que todo va estar bien.(8)

P.S.

There you go, Karen.  I know you told me you'd look forward to reading my blogs, and tired of of my song entries. Bitch...! XD  There ya go, kiddo.  This one's for you? LOL, all culo with the question mark. 

P.S.S.

There are people who can walk away from you.

And hear me when I tell you this!

When people can walk away from you: let them walk.

I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you,
loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying
attached to you.

I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk.

Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The bible said that,

They came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were
not for us.

For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us.

[1John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are
not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person, it just means that their
part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part
in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.

You've got to know when it's dead. You've got to know when it's over